It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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