I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
