it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
It was confusing and full of hummus
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
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