i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
