I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
