Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Sorry about my life...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
