I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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