I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
