im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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