btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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