I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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