Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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