And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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