so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Randomize
