as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize