Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
