We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
