Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize