wake up i wanna do it froggy style
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
