that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
