He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
