my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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