bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We don't watch enough power rangers
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
