yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
