No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
