Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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