so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
