So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
