Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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