I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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