I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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