the condom got lost in my hair
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
