I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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