I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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