I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
