Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize