I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
