ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize