I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize