I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
