Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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