At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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