I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
