I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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