She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
