You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just want nice things and good sex
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
