I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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