So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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