All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
