I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
