K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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