Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize