just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize