would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
