Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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