mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
