So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
