I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
