Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He passed out mid-signature
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize