I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
