just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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