no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
