Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
