i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
