as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
