Umm I'm too high to move.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
