What did we do last night that was yellow?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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