she woke up with a sticky ear
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
