Please don't use social media to get back at me.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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