Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize